Teesside Snog Monster (jiggery_pokery) wrote,
Teesside Snog Monster
jiggery_pokery
  • Mood: snarky

Virtually Impossible

I saw an obscure coming-of-age sex comedy on Channel 4 last night, Virtual Sexuality. It was nothing very special, but reasonably cheerful. In honour of those well-known snarks at movie-a-minute, here's the one-minute version. It would probably be R-rated / 15-rated, like the film.

VIRGIN: Barcodes! Jigsaws! Boys suck. I want to screw STUD.
GEEK: I want to screw a woman.

(VIRGIN meets GEEK. With his help, she accidentally CLONES herself to produce her ideal BOY. STUD turns out to be SCUMBAG.)

VIRGIN: I want to screw BOY.
BOY: Ewww.
VIRGIN: I want to screw STUD.

(GEEK meets VIRGIN in SEX SHOP. She plans to screw STUD and buys THIRTY FRUITY CONDOMS AND A COCK RING.)

GEEK: Don't screw STUD. BOY is you.
VIRGIN: Ewww.

(VIRGIN nearly screws STUD. BOY intervenes and seduces VIRGIN.)

VIRGIN: I love you.
BOY: I am you.
VIRGIN: Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.

(SCIENTISTS capture BOY. GEEK blows up TRUCK. VIRGIN rescues BOY. VIRGIN, with help of GEEK, destroys BOY.)

VIRGIN: Boys suck... a bit.

(VIRGIN screws GEEK. THE END.)

(PS: VIRGIN screws GEEK for 5 months. They split amicably. GEEK becomes LOVERBOY. THE END. REALLY.)
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