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October 22nd, 2002
01:51 pm - Virtually Impossible
I saw an obscure coming-of-age sex comedy on Channel 4 last night, Virtual Sexuality. It was nothing very special, but reasonably cheerful. In honour of those well-known snarks at movie-a-minute, here's the one-minute version. It would probably be R-rated / 15-rated, like the film.
VIRGIN: Barcodes! Jigsaws! Boys suck. I want to screw STUD.
GEEK: I want to screw a woman.
(VIRGIN meets GEEK. With his help, she accidentally CLONES herself to produce her ideal BOY. STUD turns out to be SCUMBAG.)
VIRGIN: I want to screw BOY.
BOY: Ewww.
VIRGIN: I want to screw STUD.
(GEEK meets VIRGIN in SEX SHOP. She plans to screw STUD and buys THIRTY FRUITY CONDOMS AND A COCK RING.)
GEEK: Don't screw STUD. BOY is you.
VIRGIN: Ewww.
(VIRGIN nearly screws STUD. BOY intervenes and seduces VIRGIN.)
VIRGIN: I love you.
BOY: I am you.
VIRGIN: Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.
(SCIENTISTS capture BOY. GEEK blows up TRUCK. VIRGIN rescues BOY. VIRGIN, with help of GEEK, destroys BOY.)
VIRGIN: Boys suck... a bit.
(VIRGIN screws GEEK. THE END.)
(PS: VIRGIN screws GEEK for 5 months. They split amicably. GEEK becomes LOVERBOY. THE END. REALLY.)
Current Mood: snarky
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 addedentry, why did you not inform me of this!?!?!? You made excuses about 'going to bed'. And not in that way.
Great writeup, Chris. Did you know the scriptwriter, Nick Fisher, is (or has been) agony uncle to Just Seventeen, favourite reading matter of twelve-year-old girls (and me aged twelve)?
It seems to be competing explicitly (and I do mean explicitly) against Bliss and Sugar in the pre-teenage market and is now called J-17. This makes me think of K-19: The Widowmaker. But not in a good way. I saw the name "Nick Fisher" and thought "I know him! Isn't he the guy who wrote football-o-geek-o-comedy Fever Pitch? What's he doing slumming it around VR romance?"
Nick Hornby. Not Nick Fisher. Close.
J-17 makes me think of J17 which might be a complex molecule, or might be an alcopop. Or a boy band. Well, you can always watch it next time. The fact that you know what's going to happen in advance... makes it absolutely no different from the way I was viewing it. |
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