Teesside Snog Monster (jiggery_pokery) wrote,
Teesside Snog Monster

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Yesterday's post has been certified AA for Abnormal Arrogance, not least for three completely gratuitous uses of the word "hell". The perpetrator's ego has been deflated. Habitually meek service will now resumed shortly.

The Killer Meme

The Great and the Good stopped by slowfox's LJ to pool their collective curiosity, and here's what they want to know about you:

...snip to...

Media and Culture

slowfox: Hollywood called: they're filming your life story. Who do you cast as yourself?

Danny Baker, as discussed yesterday.

angelofthenorth: They want to make your life into a Cartoon. Which graphic artist do you want to draw it?

John "Dork Tower" Kovalic, but more due to his board game involvement and his reputation as being a good guy than for his graphic art skills.

deralte: Your favourite Blackadder episode and why?

The one where there is an election in a rotten borough. I particularly enjoy it for its pseudo-contemporary election results coverage and for the sundry candidates within. It also includes the world's all-time outstanding comedy performance by a turnip. Transcript.

tybalt_quin: Movie adaptations of books - heinous, evil and always disappointing or perfectly acceptable?

Heinous, evil and frequently a lot of fun, so perfectly acceptable in my overall estimation.

primroseburrows: What one song brings up the strongest emotion (negative or positive) for you ?

There are always a lot of happy memories associated with "Three Lions" by The Lightning Seeds with Baddiel & Skinner. It's a happy song, the sporting associations are a lot of fun and the summer of '96 was a good time.

manubai: If you had the choice to live in any fictional world, as in transposed into a book, which one would it be? Please explain why.

There always seemed to be a lot of order, serenity, understanding and contentment in (highlight for spoiler: the world of the mulefa) within Philip Pullman's The Amber Spyglass. It always seemed a little better than that which human nature which could achieve to me.

katrionaa: What is your favorite artwork (painting, sculpture, etching, whatever) and why?

I don't have a natural-seeming answer here, so it's going to be rather a convoluted answer here: the picture of the Queen on the back of a £2 coin.

fharraige: Name twelve songs for the soundtrack of your life.

Twelve? That's bordering on taking things a little far, young lady. Nevertheless, here's a first approximation.

"Baa Baa Black Sheep", (arr. Trad). "Mah Na Mah Na", The Muppets. "Rat Rapping", Roland Rat. Those three take me up to about the age of 12.
Handel's Messiah. (Just one song? Zadok the Priest.) "Do They Know It's Christmas?", Band Aid. "Black and White", Michael Jackson. That takes me up to about the age of 17.
"Seasme's Street", The Smart E's. "John Kettley Is A Weatherman", A Tribe of Toffs. (Yes, that is correctly chronologically placed.) "Three Lions", Lightning Seeds, Baddiel and Skinner. That's up to about five years ago. Now it gets hard.
The theme tune to "All-Star Blitz". "The Last", 2ndavemusic. "Porcelain", Moby. Mock: now.

The weakest contender of the twelve is the Band Aid song, but I'm struggling to think of a replacement. Maybe we can shunt the timescales a bit and fit "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls in, or perhaps it'll end up being something else from TV or that I sang at some point. Let's quit while we're not too far behind.

eurydice9: If you could have only five cds, which would they be? No burned cds count - only ones you physically purchase in a store/online.

Windows 98, the installation CD with the driver for my ISDN modem, the installation CD with the driver for my video card, the installation CD with the driver for my sound card and Civilization II. What? Don't you want to be able to get back onto the Internet and get your music that way? (Solutions involving one Linux CD and four music CDs get due, but grudging, respect.)

magoo42: Batman or Superman?

Superman in a heartbeat. Moral ambiguity and darkness are not desirable characteristics in my book. (Ooh, I hear the intake of breath from you Snape fans from here...)

ladyvorkosigan: What fictional character do you most identify with and why?

Again, I don't have a natural-seeming answer here, so I'm going to have to go for something artificial, constructed and convoluted instead. The White Rabbit from (Alice In) Wonderland.

The Completely Hatstand Section

0100111: True or false: pineapple on pizza is wrong.

Life's too short to make moral judgements about pizza, 39; false. Nevertheless, I'd prefer my pizza to be a pineapple-free zone and I'll even pick my chunks off.

wcspegasus: If you were a color, what would you be and why?

Inobtrusive mid-blue. It's what I'm wearing now, it's what I tend to wear most frequently. Can't go wrong with it. That's the colour I'd like to be, at least - and, as this is my survey, I can.

soupytwist: If you could be an inanimate object, what would you be and why?

There are some obvious cheesy answers - favourite ladies' favourite underwear and the like. It would be prestigious, but hardly fun, to be one of the international standard kilograms. Let's go for Blackpool Tower; always a lot of fun going on inside me, usually full with lots of happy people.

sarendipitous: Assuming reincarnation exists, who do you think you may have been in a past life? How would you like to come back in the next?

A big, furry panda who lives in the wild rather than in a zoo. In both cases.

ivan_k: If you were a weapon, what would you be and why?

An elaborate Nerf Gun. Fun to play with, not at all practical, thought of as being harmless but capable of putting someone's else out if people don't take care with me.

risti: Do you wear orange? Why/Why not?

Only when I spill juice or similar over me. The closest I come in practice are some beigey light browns which might possibly be considered very dark orange if you're willing to stretch. Orange is a colour I only like in ducks' beaks and feet - and, in practice, they tend to be more brown than orange, anyway.

seren_himitsu: If you could ask your deity of choice one question and have it answered, what would you ask?

How the deity feels humans should live their lives.

moonrunner: True/False: Green buffalos come from Albania. (seriously, now.)

Google says


so I do too.

Fair Trades and Dilemmas

angua9: If remaining a virgin (or abstaining from sex) for the rest of your life would allow you to do real magic, would you do it?

This is definitely a "depends", as they used to say in Scruples, but it's definitely one which is on the "yes" side. Let's put a couple of markers down: if I just lost my desire to have sex and in return would get, say, powers typical of that of a stereotypical storybook wizard of similar age, then I'd accept like a shot. If I retained my sexual desires, could never do anything to alleviate my sexual frustration for fear of crippling and eternal pain and only had the sort of untrained powers that could not be manifested deliberately, that would be a reluctant "no". I suspect the truth may lie somewhere between the two.

drbear: How much money would it take for you to appear naked (full-frontal) for five seconds on national television?

Possibly none under the right circumstances. If you imagine a show with a well-respected psychologist / sex therapist giving you a half-hour televised interview and lots of world-class, personally-tailored advice, where I and the doctor were both naked, I'd do that and some appropriate poses without charge. If I had no control over what the pose would be used for and knew that it was going to be used to embarrass me and my family as much as possible, £BIGNUM - a "practically close to infinity" sum which translates to about £15,000,000. By way of a mid-point, a load of cheeky exhibitionists posing full-frontal and alone, one after each other, by way of silly softcore non-contact porn: about £14,000 or so. (That started at 50 grand and, well, came down a bit.) That's approximately £13,950 more than I would get.

piperx: Would you rather be
  • a complete idiot with a charming personality
  • intellectually brilliant but have no friends?

Got to be the former. The latter gets kicked out of Big Brother early, the former tends to do rather better and sometimes even wins. Good metaphor for life, that.

jiggery_pokery: You can start any business of your choice, whether for-profit or non-profit, regardless of whether this business exists practically in the world or not and whether there's an existing business model to make your chosen business work or not. Irrespective of what it is, it will start off moderately successfully and eventually become very successful. You will make a very satisfactory wage and your investors/sponsors will be very pleased with your work. What business would you start?

What sort of a jerk would write a question as long as that? I'd like to run a high-quality social club primarily regarded as a destination for people to come and meet to play games of all sorts, to learn about new games and the like. It would serve food and drinks in comfortable surroundings, but the main attraction would be the games, the comfortable surroundings and the fine company. From time to time we would get special guests in, run competitions, organise particularly unusual games and the like. I'd like this business eventually to go national, maybe even global, but I'd like my own involvement just to be with running one such club.

sophie10: Would you sacrifice an unknown portion of your life so that a loved one could live for one more year?

I'd like to think I would, but it would depend very much on the loved one and the circumstances; if they were going to die immediately, or if I had reason to believe that they wouldn't live another week (or that they would live without me being able to give them a proper goodbye) then I would be more likely to do it, if they were going to die in (unknown amount of time + 1 year) rather than (unknown amount of time) then I doubt I would.

You can gack yoink (there shall be no "gack"ing on my LiveJournal, thank you very much) the meme questions, with all the prettifying code, from here (so please include this line when pasting your answers into LJ, right to the end of the cut tag).

Finally, from mctabby, commentary from the Sound Effect Generator:

wibble *ling* raaah yow jangle shush VRUM-VRUM dip

I repeat, the Vorlon has left the building.

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  • John Evan Dickson, 6th October 1937 - 28th April 2021

    My father has passed away. No contact for now, please; I choose to assume your best wishes and condolences. (Edited: the date in the original title…

  • New game: Currency Cat

    Here is a simple, free-to-enter game to celebrate the recent turn of the decade. As I type at 2000 local UK time on 13th January 02020, the…

  • "The Floor is Lava" mini golf

    Insomnia last night inspired this game idea; maybe there's something to it, maybe there isn't. I might give it a try next time I'm at a games event.…