Teesside Snog Monster (jiggery_pokery) wrote,
Teesside Snog Monster
jiggery_pokery

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Phone Post:

VoicePost
111K 0:35
“[fx: Nokia ring tone]

[shouted] HELLO!

[pause]

[shouted] WHAT?

[pause]

[shouted] NO, I CAN'T HEAR YER.

[pause]

[shouted] I'M ON LIVEJOURNAL PHONEPOST.

[pause]

[shouted] I'M ON... LIIIIIVEJOUOUOUOUOURNAL.

[pause]

[shouted] WHAT?

[pause]

[shouted] NO, IT'S RUBBISH.

[pause]

[shouted] I CAN'T HEAR YER.

[pause]

[shouted] YOU'RE BREAKING UP...

[pause]

[shouted] YOU'RE BREA[cuts off]”

Transcribed by: multiple users


There is a British comedian, Dom Joly, who made a career out of a short-lived TV show in which he performed hidden camera stunts on the public and on minor celebrities, very much in the Candid Camera style. Trouble is, he only really had about four gags. One of them was a regular character who invaded quiet places like libraries, museums and trains with an oversized mobile phone about three feet tall. He would proceed to yell into said phone in exactly this way, disturbing the peace of all and sundry about.

The show lasted for two series of six episodes. Said comedian then said he had done everything he wanted to do and pulled the plug on his own show. This remarkable display of restraint also indicated considerable commercial awareness, for the BBC promptly signed him up for some reasonably absurd sum of money. Trouble is, he isn't doing hidden camera stunts any more, and without the hidden camera stunts, he doesn't actually have an act any more.

I think there's got to be a new LiveJournal sport: getting celebrities to leave an audio autograph on your LiveJournal. What I anticipate is that you have a cellphone which is set to dial the PhonePost number; when you encounter a celebrity - as you do - you dial up and then get the celebrity to say "Hi, I'm (eg) Neil Gaiman and you're listening to me on jiggery_pokery's LiveJournal". You should ideally also capture video and audio of the celebrity doing this as proof that it really is the celebrity rather than some impersonator.

Of course, we can award points according to the size of the celebrity. I'll start the bidding: 10 points for Tim Berners-Lee, 15 points for Dan Radcliffe, 20 points for Neil Gaiman, 25 points for Tom Cruise, 30 points for Jo Rowling. (I suppose The Leaky Cauldron can claim the JKR 30 already, but it's not a personal LJ so it doesn't count.) Of course, you only get the full score for being the first person to hit a particular celebrity - so when someone takes credit for Neil Gaiman, which will probably be in the next week and a half, the second person to get an audio autograph from him only earns one-quarter credit, the third person gets one-ninth credit and so on.

It's also fun to assign points to even more minor celebrities - to work out who might be worth fewer points than ten. As a guideline, if the celebrity has a LJ themselves, then they aren't a celebrity. (People with weblogs which can be followed on LJ, potential celebrity; people with LJs, not a celebrity. Sorry.) Nominations for one-point celebrities are most welcome; I suggest Ben The Boffin. And, indeed, Dom Joly.
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